I Wish….

You know how people would say no if they were asked if they’d change anything if they could? Those who believe “Everything’s for the best.”?

Yeah. I’m not one of those people.

I think some of those people are just too in the moment. Or too afraid to find out what difference they would’ve made. Still, I’m not supposed to judge.

I know that everything I did (and didn’t do–that matters too) shapes the “me” I am today, but I still genuinely (and maybe naively, I don’t care) believe I could’ve done some things to make my present life better.

I wish I didn’t waste half of my elementary and junior high school years with people whose company I didn’t even enjoy. The ones who’d shun me out if I didn’t agree to everything they looked upon as important. And what a fool I was for being scared of being left alone.

I wish I’d read more back then too. I had the proper time to actually sit for two hours until my back ached, my eyes got sore, and my hands hurt from opening pages with sharp paper.

I wish that in the months I spent at junior high, staying late way past the last school bell’s ring, I had mustered up enough courage to go explore the senior high building, whether with or without others from POPS. Sooner or later I would’ve discovered my seniors practicing debate. I would’ve fallen in love sooner and…

I wish I had. I never knew how much I wish to be immersed in it. I would’ve fought for it harder. Cried more. Fought with my parents back and forth more often and earlier on. They would’ve given up sooner. And I’d have more experience than what I have now.

I wish every CNY in the last five years I was more open to the elderly in my extended family. God knows (He does. I’m not using His name in vain here) they’re interested in what their descendants are up to. They have so much stories to tell. I’ll truly miss their genuine smiles when the time’s come.

I wish I’d learnt another language when I was younger. No, not Chinese, probably, though it wouldn’t have done me harm if I’d given it a chance. Or a musical instrument. But there’s still time for both. So no (major) regrets in these two fields.

I wish when I was a child my parents really put me in… what’s it called in English? I don’t know… let’s just call it a naughty child’s institution. That’s what it is anyway. One time they almost dropped me there, but I hid in the back of the car and kept moving around, so they couldn’t catch me. If I’d been through all that I’d probably be a more mature person, and I have a good reason for my parents to let me take on an education in a slightly farther place from home.

I wish I’ve told some people how I feel about them. Platonic love, hatred, whatever the feeling is. I’ll take too much of your (and my) precious time and gadget battery if I have to explain each and every person.

I wish I’d asked some questions, and hadn’t asked some others. Though, while I admit that knowing something might bring me harm, sometimes I need to know it. So, this one’s not that big of a deal.

I wish when I was little I just nodded when Mom actually agreed to buy two Shih Tzu pups. I didn’t want them for two reasons; I liked (and still prefer, to this day) big dogs, and the two pups were in a bit of a fight. No, not a playing kind of fight. One with growls and aggressive barking and really trying to hurt each other. But that fault would’ve been Mom’s. And I’d at least know what it’s like to have two little fur-balls in the house.

Well, those are the main things I’d like to change in a nutshell.

I wish I could.

So, do you have anything you regret? Feel like sharing? I’m up for random chats. 🙂


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